jackie smaz is: what's on your mind?

I remember the first time I heard the phrase, "If you think it will happen, it will happen." I was immediately struck with silent terror.

"That can't be possible," I reasoned, "That much power is terrifying."

I could be considered an expert in formulating the worst case scenario and I had made a habit of playing back each possibility in my mind just to make sure I had run a thorough analysis of the situation and had time to formulate a back up plan should some unfortunate situation arise.

And plan I did.

So much so, that when the time came for me to be introduced to, "If you think it will happen, it will happen," a wrench was thrown into my well-oiled routine.

You can imagine how frantic my efforts might have been. "Test today. My pencil may not be a No. 2. One can't be entirely sure of that. I may sit behind a throat-clearer, or in front of a seat-kicker, or encounter some other form of distraction. Or I might blank entirely, or misspell 'bourgeoisie' or forget to put my name on the exam, or forget to go to the exam, or forget there is an exam, or--" and then it would hit me, "If you think it..."

Then my fear index would increase several points making it entirely impossible for me to not "think it". So I came up with a back up plan.

"I am not thinking it," I would repeat to myself, "No really, no joke, I am NOT thinking it."

My thinking? If devote a tremendous amount of time to thinking about NOT thinking about the things I'm actually thinking about, wouldn't it stand to reason (based on this new mantra) that I would begin to not think about them? My thoughts exactly.

And to this day I still occasionally catch myself demanding that I not think about whatever worst case scenario I've created.

Really.



No joke.



I am not thinking it.